It's not about the Nail Season 1 Episode 4

It’s not about the nail

Communication tools to help us all communicate better

We all communicate

1. Body

2. Eyes

3. Tone

4. Language

5. Even not communicating is communicating

Stonewalling

Good communication

• listen

• Attending: paying attention

• Understanding      

““You can change your world by changing your words... Remember, death and life are in the power of the tongue.””

— Joel Osteen

““Words -so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who know how to combine them.””

— Nathaniel Hawthorne

“ “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction,This indicates that forces always act in pairs.””

— Newton's Third Law of Motion

positive communication

1. 10:1 ratio

2. Look for the good in your spouse and your relationship

3. Have a contrite spirit

Efective Communication

1. Always speak in the first person

2. Level with each-other

3. Listen

4. Except and validate

5. State your complaint precisely

6. Know what your fighting for

7. State what you need

8. Start softly

9. Apologize

10. Take responsibility

““It is better to prepare and prevent than it is to repair and repent.””

— Ezra Taft Benson

The 4 Steps to Apologizing

1. I’m sorry for…

2. Next time I will do _____ differently

3. Do you forgive me?

4. Or will you except my apology

LOVE TREASURIES

““In true marriage there must be a union of minds as well as of hearts. Emotions must not wholly determine decisions, but the mind and the heart, strengthened by fasting and prayer and serious consideration, will give one a maximum chance of marital happiness.””

— Spencer w. Kimball

Fight for the marriage:

ask yourself before you do or say something: Is this going to hurt the marriage or make it better?

““Until next week May the light of the savior shine in your relationships and bring you joy each and every day.””

— Dru Christiansen

The Myth of Forgiveness Season 1 Episode 3

The Myth of Forgiveness

The myth of forgiveness and how to forgive find joy.

D&C 64:

“wherefore, I say unto you , that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses stands condemned before the Lord: for there remained in him the greater sin”

“ “of you it is required to forgive all Men?”
”

— President Gordon B. Hinckley

Luke 23:34 “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” 

D&C 64:10 “I , the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men”

Numbers 14:18 ”The Lord is long suffering, and of great mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression, and by no means clearing the guilty”“I , the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men”

Write it down

Matt. 11:28-30  “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto you souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

---

Matt. 6:12 it states in the Lords prayer “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors”

D&C 64:9  “wherefore, I say unto you that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses stands condemned before the Lord; for there remained in him the greater sin”

Matt. 18: 23-35

23. therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king; which would take account of his servants.

24. And when he had begun to reckon , one was brought unto him, which owed him 10 thousand talents.

25. But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wide, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.

26.  The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying , Lord have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

27. Then the lord of the servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.

28. But he the same servant went out, and found one of his fellow servants, which owed him an hundred pence; and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying Pay me that thou owes

29. An his fellwservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all

30. And he would not; but went  and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt

31. So when his fellowservwnts saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.

32. Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me;

33. Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowserveant, even ass I had pity on thee?

34. And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.

35.  So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto  you, if ye from your hearts forgive not everyone his brother their trespasses.

“
“Brother Joseph, … I am as the prodigal son. … I have seen the folly of my way, and I tremble at the gulf I have passed.””

— Brother Phelps

“Dear Brother Phelps: …
“You may in some measure realize what my feelings, as well as Elder Rigdon’s and Brother Hyrum’s were, when we read your letter—truly our hearts were melted into tenderness and compassion when we ascertained your resolves. …
“It is true, that we have suffered much in consequence of your behavior—the cup of gall, already full enough for mortals to drink, was indeed filled to overflowing when you turned against us. …
“However, the cup has been drunk, the will of our Father has been done, and we are yet alive, for which we thank the Lord. And having been delivered from the hands of wicked men by the mercy of our God, we say it is your privilege to be delivered from the powers of the adversary, be brought into the liberty of God’s dear children, and again take your stand among the Saints of the Most High, and by diligence, humility, and love unfeigned, commend yourself to our God, and your God, and to the Church of Jesus Christ.
“Believing your confession to be real, and your repentance genuine, I shall be happy once again to give you the right hand of fellowship, and rejoice over the returning prodigal. …
‘Come on, dear brother, since the war is past,
‘For friends at first, are friends again at last.’
“Yours as ever,
“Joseph Smith, Jun.”5
”

— Joseph Smith

““Of course, heartache and pain can be spilled upon us by dishonest, manipulative or unkind people. Accidents happen that can inflict terrible pain and sometimes lifetime disability. But to judge, blame, and not forgive always intensifies the problems. It pushes healing further into the future. It is not responsible.”
”

— Elder Hugh W. Pinnock

““Until next week May the light of the savior shine in your relationships and bring you joy each and every day.””

— Dru Christiansen

The four Horseman Season 1 Episode 2

The four Horseman

Discussing John Gottman’s four horsemen of the Apocalypse in Marriage.

Criticism

Contempt

Defensiveness

Stonewalling

Scriptures

D&C 45:27 And the love of men shall wax cold, and iniquity shall abound.

Matthew 24:12 And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.

The Four Horsemen

Criticism:

• The expression of disapproval of someone or something based on perceived faults or mistakes

• Criticism involves active disagreement

• The latin word Criticus means “a judge, literary critic”

• It attacks there character, which is detrimental

• Examples: your lazy

Contempt:

• the feeling that a person is beneath you or consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn

• This is the worst of the four horsemen and most destructive behavior in relationships

• When someone treats-you-with-contempt: they consider that person unworthy of respect or attention.

• Example: mocking, mimicking, rolling eyes, name calling, sneering, raising upper lip, exaggerations  and insults. 

Defensiveness:

• Self-protection in the form of righteous indignation or innocent victimhood in an attempt to ward off a perceived attack.

Stonewalling:

• a persistent refusal to communicate or to express emotions. Refusal to cooperate

““Any relationship where distance is safer than closeness is not a relationship.””

— Dru Christiansen

Question

Is there distance in my relationship? Is it because that is safer? Is it because of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?

Is it me that is doing one of the four horsemen or is it my spouse?

How can I change this or how can they change this so we can be happier and healthier?

““May the light of the Savior always shine in you to create and bring greater relationships each and everyday.”
”

— Dru Christiansen

The Parable of the Flower Season 1 Episode 1

The Parable of the Flower

Just as seed, nutrient rich soil, water and sun help a flower grow so can these symbols make your marriage grow and flourish. I use these metaphors to help you create a better relationships with your spouse and love ones.

Scriptures

Luke 8:5-8

5 “A sower went out to sow his seed. And as he sowed, some fell by the wayside, and it was trodden down, and the fowls of the air devoured it.

6 And some fell upon a rock, and as soon as it had sprung up, it withered away because it lacked moisture.

7 And some fell among thorns, and the thorns sprang up with it and choked it.

8 And other fell on good ground, and sprang up and bore fruit a hundredfold.” And when He had said these things, He cried, “He that hath ears to hear, let him hear!”

John 4:6-15

6 Now Jacob’s well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied with His journey, sat thus by the well; and it was about the sixth hour.

7 There came a woman of Samaria to draw water. Jesus said unto her, “Give Me to drink.”

8 (For His disciples had gone away unto the city to buy meat.)

9 Then said the woman of Samaria unto Him, “How is it that thou, being a Jew, askest a drink of me, who am a woman of Samaria?” For the Jews have no dealings with the Samaritans.

10 Jesus answered and said unto her, “If thou knewest the gift of God and who it is that saith to thee, ‘Give Me to drink,’ thou wouldest have asked of Him, and He would have given thee living water.”

11 The woman said unto Him, “Sir, thou hast nothing to draw with, and the well is deep. From whence then hast thou that living water?

12 Art thou greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank thereof himself, and his children and his cattle?”

13 Jesus answered and said unto her, “Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again,

14 but whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.”

15 The woman said unto Him, “Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, neither come hither to draw.”

““Determine that there will never be anything that will come between you that will disrupt your marriage. Make it work!! Resolve to make it work. There is far too much of divorce, wherein hearts are broken and sometimes lives are destroyed. Be fiercely loyal one to another””

— President Gordon B Hinckley

“”we loved each other: there was no doubt about that, but we also had to get used to each other. Early on I realized it would be better if we worked harder to get used to each other than constantly try to change each other””

— Sister Hinckley

““Do you wish to partake of this living water [spoken of in John 4:14] and experience that divine well springing up within you to everlasting life?
“Then be not afraid. Believe with all your hearts. Develop an unshakable faith in the Son of God. Let your hearts reach out in earnest prayer. Fill your minds with knowledge of Him. Forsake your weaknesses. Walk in holiness and harmony with the commandments.
“Drink deeply of the living waters of the gospel of Jesus Christ.”
”

— Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

Love Treasuries

Question

How can I put daily deposits in my love treasury for my partner?

What can I do out of all these things to help my relationship with my spouse work?

““Until next week May the light of the savior shine in your relationships and bring you joy each and every day.””

— Dru Christiansen