When our children Wander
I discuss the anguish of having our children go astray and the things we can do to help them and ourselves when this happens.
““the reality is that there are no perfect families””
Defining Going Astray: It can involve leaving the gospel of Jesus Christ, Immorality, drug abuse, criminal activity. Less troubling maybe: underachieving, finding little purpose or happiness in life, failure to launch or not providing for themselves as they get the age of independence.
“ “Some parents suffer greatly because they blame themselves unduly for having been poor parents. In this position they are likely to misapply Pres. David O. McKays wonderfully prophetic statement the “ no other success can compensate for failure in the home”. They seem to draw the unintended implication that since they have a child who is abusing drugs or alcohol, they must be failures as parents; hence, no matter how hard they have tried, no other good they have done or success they have achieved can compensate of their parental failure at home. Because this statement was intended to inspire parents to become or stay involved with their children, it should not be taken to mean that parents who have indeed put great time , effort, and sacrifice into parenting, and yet who have still not reaped the desired rewards, have failed.””
Luke 15:11-32
11. And he said, A certain man had two sons:
12. And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living.
13. And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living.
14. And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want.
15. And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine.
16. And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him.
17. And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father’s have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!
18. I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee,
19. And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants.
20. And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.
21. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.
22. But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet:
23. And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry:
24. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.
25. Now his elder son was in the field: and as he came and drew nigh to the house, he heard musick and dancing.
26. And he called one of the servants, and asked what these things meant.
27. And he said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf, because he hath received him safe and sound.
28. And he was angry, and would not go in: therefore came his father out, and entreated him.
29. And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends:
30. But as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf.
31. And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine.
32. It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.
No matter where your children maybe in their lives. If they are on the path or off the path they are still under the watchful eyes of our Heavenly Father. Remember He knew them before we did and loves them more than we do.
““however wayward your children might be, … when you speak or talk to them, do it not in anger, do it not harshly, in a condemning spirit” “speak to them kindly””
D&C 121: 41-42 “No power of influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering , by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned” “By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile”
Alma 31:5 “Behold, O Lord, their souls are precious, and many of them are our brethren; therefore, give unto us, O Lord, power and wisdom that we may bring these, our brethren again unto thee”
3 Nephi
“He commanded that their little children should be brought [forward]. …
“And … when they had knelt upon the ground, … he himself also knelt … ; and behold he prayed unto the Father, and the things which he prayed cannot be written, … so great and marvelous [were the] things … [He did] speak unto the Father. …
“… When Jesus had made an end of praying …, he arose; … and … wept, … and he took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and [again] prayed unto the Father for them.
“And when he had done this he wept again; … [saying] unto the multitude, … Behold your little ones.”
“We cannot know exactly what the Savior was feeling in such a poignant moment, but we do know that He was “troubled” and that He “groaned within himself” over the destructive influences always swirling around the innocent. We know He felt a great need to pray for and bless the children… well, some of them may be beyond our control, but I testify with faith in the living God that they are not beyond His. He lives, and priesthood power is at work on both sides of the veil. We are not alone…”
“When erecting their sacred tabernacle in the wilderness of Sinai, the ancient children of Israel were commanded to make firm their supporting cords and strengthen the stakes which held them. The reason? Storms arise in life—regularly. So fix it, fasten it, then fix and fasten it again. Even then we know that some children will make choices that break their parents’ hearts. Moms and dads can do everything right and yet have children who stray. Moral agency still obtains. But even in such painful hours it will be comforting for you to know that your children knew of your abiding faith in Christ, in His true Church, in the keys of the priesthood and in those who hold them. It will be comforting then for you to know that if your children choose to leave the straight and narrow way, they leave it very conscious that their parents were firmly in it. Furthermore, they will be much more likely to return to that path when they come to themselves and recall the loving example and gentle teachings you offered them there.
Live the gospel as conspicuously as you can. Keep the covenants your children know you have made. Give priesthood blessings. And bear your testimony. Don’t just assume your children will somehow get the drift of your beliefs on their own. The prophet Nephi said near the end of his life that they had written their record of Christ and preserved their convictions regarding His gospel in order “to persuade our children … that our children may know … [and believe] the right way.””
““The Prophet Joseph Smith declared—and he never taught more comforting doctrine—that the eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the Cause of Truth, would save not only themselves, but likewise their posterity. Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold. Either in this life or the life to come, they will return. They will have to pay their debt to justice; they will suffer for their sins; and may tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving father’s heart and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. Pray for your careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with your faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see the salvation of God.”
In the Doctrine and Covenants we are told, “The dead who repent will be redeemed, through obedience to the ordinances of the house of God,“And after they have paid the penalty of their transgressions, and are washed clean, shall receive a reward according to their works, for they are heirs of salvation.” Mercy will not rob justice, and the sealing power of faithful parents will only claim wayward children upon the condition of their repentance and Christ’s Atonement. Repentant. I believe there is a strong familial pull as the influence of beloved ancestors continues with us from the other side of the veil.”To those brokenhearted parents who have been righteous, diligent, and prayerful in the teaching of their disobedient children, we say to you, the Good Shepherd is watching over them. God knows and understands your deep sorrow. There is hope. Take comfort in the words of Jeremiah, “Thy work shall be rewarded” and your children can “come again from the land of the enemy.”
Trust in your Father in Heaven, he will direct the path you should take. Another thought from Elder Carmack: Most of our lives are a complex mixture of joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, good and bad. Heavenly Father fully understands our conditions here in mortality, having allowed those conditions and provided agency as a kind of living laboratory for human growth. Moreover, he himself must have experienced all of the conditions and feelings we do, for, as the Prophet Joseph Smith taught, “God himself was once as we are now”and “Dwelt on an earth”.. ”
“Trust in your Father in Heaven, he will direct the path you should take. Another thought from Elder Carmack: Most of our lives are a complex mixture of joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, good and bad. Heavenly Father fully understands our conditions here in mortality, having allowed those conditions and provided agency as a kind of living laboratory for human growth. Moreover, he himself must have experienced all of the conditions and feelings we do, for, as the Prophet Joseph Smith taught, “God himself was once as we are now”and “Dwelt on an earth”.. ”
So what can we do?
Don’t give up on them
Love them, let the Lord teach them
Understand Agency
““You parents of the wilful and the wayward! Don’t give them up. Don’t cast them off. They are not utterly lost. The Shepherd will find his sheep. They were his before they were yours —long before he entrusted them to your care; and you cannot begin to love them as he loves them. They have but strayed in ignorance from the Path of Right, and God is merciful to ignorance. Only the fulness of knowledge brings the fulness of accountability. Our Heavenly Father is far more merciful, infinitely more charitable, than even the best of his servants, and the Everlasting Gospel is mightier in power to save than our narrow finite minds can comprehend””
Be careful of how you judge them or others
Trust in our Savior and turn your life over to him, he will lead you and guide you. He looks for the one whom has left the flock
Never give up.
6 ways to weather this trial
Take care of yourselves first
Seek Help
Try not to live through the achievements of your children
Some parents unwisely place their own personal hopes and dreams on the achievements of their children.
Avoid Denial and undue feelings of Self Blame
Remember the Last Human Freedom
““We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way”
He added that prisoners facing the daily cruelty, savagery, and lack of respect for life and human dignity either perished or learned that “it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us”.”
““Until next week May the light of the savior shine in your relationships and bring you joy each and every day.””