Divorce: Bury your weapons of war
Discusses divorce: The issues, statistics, and how it affects us.
Alma 17:14 And assuredly it was great, for they had undertaken to preach the word of God to a wild and a hardened and a ferocious people; a people who delighted in murdering the Nephites, and robbing and plundering them; and their hearts were set upon riches, or upon gold and silver, and precious stones; yet they sought to obtain these things by murdering and plundering, that they might not labor for them with their own hands.
Write down your weapons of war and bury them in the earth.
““There may be now and again a legitimate cause for divorce. I am not one to say that it is never justified. But I say without hesitation that this plague among us which seems to be growing everywhere is not of god, but rather the work of the adversary of righteousness and peace ad truth””
Reasons I have seen for divorce
Affairs/infidelity (sexual or emotional)
Abuse
Apostasy
Addiction
Porn:eventually if not taken care of
Lying: chronically
abandonment
Some have withheld commitment and flee at the first serious challenge
But all of these have one thing in common which is the main reason people divorce: Selfishness and our society breaths it.
““Nurture and cultivate your marriage. Guard it and work to keep it solid and beautiful. Divorce is becoming so common, even rampant,… It is happening, I regret to say. Marriage is a contract, it is a compact, it is a union between a man and a woman under the plan of the Almighty. It can be fragile. It requires nurture and very much effort. I regret to acknowledge that some husbands are abusive, some are unkind, some are thoughtless, some are evil. They indulge in pornography and bring about situations which destroy them, destroy their families and destroy the most sacred of all relationships. I pity the man who at one time looked into the eyes of a beautiful young woman and held her hand across the altar in the house of the Lord as they made sacred and everlasting promises one to another, but who, lacking in self-discipline, fails to cultivate his better nature, sinks to coarseness and evil, and destroys the relationship which the Lord has provided for him.””
Satan seeks to destroy marriage, don’t let him win.
“If you expect me to iron all the clothes it won’t be done but if you love me it will get done because I love you.”
Matt. 19: 9-11 “whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is no good to marry (meaning divorce not based on infidelity). But he said unto them, all men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.”
“We can understand better why the Lord said what he did about divorce by examine the context in which he spoke. In the social system of Jesus’ time, apparently some men and women were divorcing their spouses with impunity for relatively insignificant reasons. Whereas in a higher law a marriage to which Jesus referred, men and women are equally responsible for the strength of dissolution of their union. Unfortunately, some persons do live in unbearably difficult marital circumstances, suffering as victims of spouse abuse, substance abuse, promiscuity, and other evils that are sometimes addressed through divorce as the last resort. ”
“ “permits his agents to exercise the poser to loose as well as the power to bind.””
“ “In the light of scripture, ancient and modern, we are justified in concluding that Christ’s ideal pertaining to marriage is the unbroken home, and conditions that cause divorce are violations of the divine teachings…. There may be circumstances which make the continuance of the marriage stay a greater evil than divorce.””
Women in Divorce
According to Unger and Crawford they estimate the women’s economic status declines anywhere from 30-70- percent when they divorce. So many stay in an abusive relationship for financial reasons.
Women’s unpaid labor in a divorce is not part of the economic value at the time of divorce. Depending on what state you live in the laws regarding divorce vary.
Women usually keep their status in church.
Often women remain in the home (if it is financially feasible or they sell the home and split equity if there is any).
Women generally have to seek out employment.
If they were stay at home moms and took care of the children, generally they have let their skills lapse or they do not have the education to have higher payed jobs to support their children.
They can go to school and improve those circumstances but financially it may be difficult.
Men and divorce
Men generally stay at the same financial status.
But they see little of their children.
There standing in the church changes: example they no longer have the family sitting with them in church anymore.
Sometimes they are released from a calling: ex: Bishop.
Generally they have to live somewhere else than their home.
For both
When women come in for marital counseling with their spouse and they say they are done: The chances of changing their minds is very slim.
When men come in for marital counseling with their spouse and they say they are done: they can often work through the issues and stay married.
Woman usually get physical custody while men get joint custody with visitation rights.
the family structure, Both spouses are not with the children full time anymore (both parties now have to work to support the family) , life style is changed, emotionally you struggle for at least a year after the divorce. You are plagued with guilt, rejection, and feelings of failure. Dating may start and you have to carefully navigate your children through that.
““Until next week May the light of the savior shine in your relationships and bring you joy each and every day.””